Is Compassionate Leadership Just Soft and Fluffy? A Day in the Life of a Leader Who Dares To Care
Dr Elaine Smith
On my first day of placement as a trainee clinical psychologist, I was told that I had parked in a psychiatrist’s space and I’d used their coffee mug. What a welcome that was. Is compassionate leadership just sweet, soft and fluffy, or is it essential for effective leadership? I’m going to introduce you today to a leader who dares to care, somebody who puts people first. Why does compassionate leadership even matter? It’s a huge boost for morale, employee engagement, productivity and profit.
I want you to meet Billy, the only Billy I could find, obviously. Just imagine he’s the compassionate leader. He’s a senior leader in finance, but he puts people first. Yes, numbers matter, profit matters to him, but essentially for him, it’s about his people, and that’s what he puts most of his energy into, and everything else follows.
He has a real energy about him that he really connects in every interaction with his team. They feel really heard, they feel really listened to, and he builds really strong trust and connections. He also really prides himself in being courageous with his conversations. He’s not afraid. He will really go after whatever he needs to talk about. He’s curious. He ask lots of questions and… Get it there… listening ears. We are going to hear more about them in [inaudible 00:01:36].
Compassionate leaders, what makes them different? They care enough about their employees’ mental health and wellbeing. If they see them in distress, they want to help. They don’t ignore it, they want to… They just bring their humanity to work.
Billy sees every day as a fresh start. It’s not all sunshine and roses, but he does go in and think, “What’s possible today? What impact could I have on my team today? What could we do really well here?”. But he also knows, because we’re not trying to paint this all fluffy, he also knows he has to look after himself in order to look after everybody else.
In the words of Brené Brown here, he can’t be that caring, compassionate leader without practicing really good self-care for strong leadership. That’s Billy’s pledge to everybody in here today as well, to be a compassionate leader, you have to look after yourself first. I know we talk about that a lot now. It’s become a bit cliché, but it is also true. The evidence suggests that.
9:00 A.M., the morning meeting for Billy is a chance he thinks just to facilitate conversation, and the only thing really on his agenda is relationships. He knows if he builds those relationship with his team, they will work far better for him. And he listens more than he speaks. He also knows that employees who feel listened to are up to 4.6 times more engaged in their work. Just think about that for a second. That’s massive.
At 11:30, A.M., an employee comes along, shares a personal challenge, as of course, that happens. Billy doesn’t panic, he just sits with them and says, “What’s going on? How can I help you?”. He knows that he can go and get support if he needs it. He knows where to go to get signposting. But he doesn’t panic in the moment, and he really makes whoever that is that comes to him feel really heard and listened to: The most important message today. Billy’s all about the people, not the deadlines. He knows if he looks after his people, they will work far harder for him, and their mental health will be improved anyway, which benefits everybody.
2:00 P.M. though, he does have a difficult decision to make because an employee is underperforming. He can’t ignore that. But what he does do, he doesn’t hide behind policies and procedures, he sets up a little meeting with them, a wee chat, and he says, “What’s going on for you?”. And again, Brené Brown, “Clear is kind, unclear is unkind.”. He goes in, he’s very transparent, he’s very honest. But because he’s got those trusting relationships, it’s actually not that difficult for him to have some of those conversations, because set up for that.
By 16:30, he’s tired and he’s stressed, as you can imagine. But he’s okay with that, he doesn’t try to pretend that he’s not. He’ll be able to tell his team how he’s doing, to an extent of course. But he just is himself, he’s just a human.
What I would like everyone here to do is commit in the next 48 hours to an act of compassion to a colleague in your team. I want you to decide who it’s going to be, what you’re going to do, and how you’re going to do it. And you can let me know as well. Compassionate leadership is firmly rooted in science, but I don’t think it’s rocket science, and I think we can all do it better. Thank you.
